Deep in the Season of Harvest

There is a stark contrast between the fall in New York and the fall here in Ohio.  I find myself missing the vibrancy of the colors during the changing of the leaves that we were so blessed to experience for 3 fall seasons in New York.  Here in Ohio, we only get glimpses of the colors we were once surrounded by.  There aren't as many color-changing trees here, but we are in the middle of harvest and I find myself filled with new awe.  The back roads that we so often frequent have been lined with row after row of corn.  It's so flat here that the rows of corn provide the only height variation.  When we returned from our visit home this summer, the flat landscape had been replaced by corn stalks taller than our car. 

We've been watching as the corn is harvested.  The first change we watched was the husks of corn forming on each stalk.  Then the stalks began to fade from their vivid, deep green into a straw-like yellow.  As I watched the stalks change color, I was overcome with awe for the stalks that were yellowing, but still green for the most part.  Like the stalks, I get to watch while my children grow and blossom into the various stages of childhood and adolescence.  Next came when one side of the road had been harvested, but not the other side, or half a field disappeared to harvest. 

Now that my little Maxie is 4, he reminds us of Mykah at 4.  That word, us, is a gift to me-to be able to say to Joe, "Remember when...", instead of "When Mykah was this age..."  Joe and I now share the memories, instead of me filling him in on the years that he missed, but it's yet another painful lesson in time and how quickly it passes.  It was only yesterday when Mykah was 4, wasn't it?  It's humbling to realize how quickly 6 years has gone by.

This coaching life is fast-paced, even in sleepy Ohio.  If we don't pause to watch the leaves change, or the corn harvested, we miss an opportunity that we may have taken away from us.  We can't live how or where we live and say "Maybe next year, we'll..."  Our next year could be anywhere, which brings me to me and how I feel like the now empty fields.

I'm struggling.  I feel completely stripped of all I've produced so far and I long for the time when I'm led into my next season of harvest, because I feel empty.  About 3 weeks ago, I was in a particularly gloomy place emotionally.  I'm tired of the way we've lived for the last 4 years, but I love it, and that statement will be fully understood only by my fellow coaching wives.  As I sat by my friend in church (Joe doesn't get to attend with me during the season here), I found myself unable to stop the tears from streaming down my face, completely vulnerable and deeply longing to know the plans God has in store for us.  Just when I found myself calming, our pastor dropped a bomb.  He said, "If you're praying for God to change your circumstances, stop.  Instead, pray for God to change YOU, so YOU can change your circumstances."  KA-BOOM!!

So, I'm asking for your help.  Please remind me of this when I get weary again.  I'm doing well in school, and I know my degree is a way for me to change our circumstances.  I now also finally know what it is that I want to do with my degree.  I will follow in the footsteps of my mom, who has done so much for so many, for so little in return.  She's been a vessel for numerous people to change their circumstances and I pray that someday I'll be the inspiration that she is.  I don't want to feel trampled down, like the cornstalks that have been harvested.  I want to see it as an opportunity to prepare for the next harvest.

So for now, I'm going to be selfish.  I'm going to drive around these cornfields and be reminded to prepare for the next season of harvest (By the way, this reference in no way refers to babies!).  I'm going to appreciate the various seasons that my little people are in and the harvest of love that my beautiful husband heaps on me every day.  The last thing I want to share today is the scripture that powers me through this crazy life.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path."  Proverbs 3:5-6